employment

Offering full time employment for trap door snails

I have two smallish container ponds on my deck that could use some maintenance workers (I like to think of them like the guys at the apartment complex that come around and keep things tidy)
I heard trap door snails are the best at this (I think they’re certified and college educated in waste management) and can live outside year round (hearty and strong like Alaskan men!Don’t be gettin cold or nothin)
I found a place online where I can order them but you have to order them by the dozen (like day workers they like to get their friends a job too!!) But I only need like three or four…
Also I hear they reproduce rather quickly (see previous reference to Alaskan men…) and quite frankly I don’t want that going on in front of the fish, they’ve been carefully selected so as to not have little fishies…. I think it’s cruel… The snails be playin Marvin Gaye…. breakin out the wine coolers but…. None for you fish!!!…. Harsh.
So if you have some hard workers looking for new digs please let me know… I’ll give them free room and board and all the algae they can stomach (do they have stomachs? I’ve never asked…. seemed forward)
Preferably close to Olympia as I hear they are terrible back seat drivers and hate long drives.

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/4509187834-1.jpg

 

Kittens

Originally Posted: 2014-05-17 4:22pm

Barn Kittens: Blood Thirsty Sisters Free to a Good Home

We have two kittens in need of a new home. Now, when I say kittens, I know you’re expecting two lovable fluff balls that you could bond and cuddle with. I assure you that this is not the case.

These sisters are two unstoppable forces of hell fire and lightning. They were born for the sole purpose of wrecking the day of any candy ass mouse, rat, or hippy that is unfortunate enough to cross their path.

What’s that? You wanna pet them?
Good luck, mother fucker!

These little rage cannons will leave you feeling empty as they neglect you to further their search for prey. But if you can respect them and leave well enough alone, the sisters will keep your home rodent free and you’ll love them for it.

Stats:
Name: Mew
Color: Calico
Bio: This cat is all business all the time. Of the two, she is easily the most vicious. She was born when the waves of Poseidon crashed upon the last saber tooth tiger. The result – the living embodiment of fear in the eyes of all mouse kind.

Name:Espurr
Color: Russian Blue
Bio: The more stealthy of the duo, Lady Espurr prefers clinging to the shadows, patiently awaiting the perfect moment to strike. Though not quite as vicious as Mew, she is still a trained killer with a heart of ice and a hunger for murder.

These kittens are not kid friendly.
They don’t like people.
They feel no pain and cannot be reasoned with.

But if you need barn cats to get rid of rats and other such pests, they’re your girls.
Sorry I can’t enclose pics. As with all evil entities their image can’t be captured on film and I’m too scared to try.